We left the buggy, overgrown Ozarks and floored it west. Grabbed some gas in Oklahoma and instantly saw walking stereotypes moseying out of the store. First there was the man in a large black cowboy hat and boots, carrying his six-er of cans by the one empty plastic ring. He throws some trash into the back of his pick-up that is pulling a horse trailer as his smoking tattooed wife gets in the driver seat. By the time they drove away I was crying tears laughing at the scene. As the horse trailer pulls away, an 80 year old shirtless man rolls past the gas pump on a banana seat bicycle cruiser. I floored it for Texas.
In Texas, we stopped at a rest area with tee-pees over picnic tables and Texas-shaped charcoal grills. I really cracked up in the bathroom where the urinal stalls were 4 feet wide, indeed everything is larger in Texas. There was a crazy hot wind blowing, and signs saying to watch for rattlesnakes.
We continued to Amarillo. At 6am on the morning of Jonah's birthday, we rolled up to a real deal Texas Holiday Inn. It not only had an attached retro diner, but there was a HOLIDOME containing a pool, hot tub, and arcade. After the whole family spent some time in the pool and hot tub, Margaret left the high score on Ms. Pacman, we all cleaned up for dinner. Jonah said he wanted to have all of his birthdays here.
We did the deed and went to the Big Texan Steak Ranch, home of the Free 72-oz Steak Challenge. Before we were seated, the kids shot a few rounds in the shooting gallery.
After being seated, we were visited by the 3-piece band to ask our request. Liliana asked for Grand Old Flag and those commies didn't know it. Then Margaret made them play “This Land Is Our Land” albeit with some modified lyrics. They also sang Happy Birthday to Jonah.
Liliana and Jonah both got complimentary cowboy hats with their meals and during our meal, 3 people began the 72oz Steak Challenge. Each contestant in the steak challenge must eat a 72-ounce top sirloin steak, a baked potato, salad, dinner roll, and shrimp cocktail. If the contestant can eat all that in under 1 hour, the meal is free!
After dinner, we drove to a local amusement park called Wonderland. We got there at 9:45pm, 15 minutes before closing. I went on a couple of rickety roller coaster ridees with Liliana while Margaret and Jonah enjoyed some other rides.
As expected at every small town fair, we witnessed a teenager in handcuffs and a lot of sloppy people on our way out.
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